I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
