i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
