Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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