a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
