There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
