Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
