ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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