I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
