is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
