I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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