When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
