We're like a lot better than the average bears
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
