Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
