I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
