If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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