He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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