Kiss
Puke
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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