i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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