Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
