During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
