you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
