does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
