It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
