The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
