Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
