Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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