Well apparently he's into motor boating.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
