Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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