Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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