Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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