who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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