is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
