Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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