I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
