Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
