Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
