xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize