Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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