the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
