so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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