I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
