Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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