So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
