Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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