I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
