Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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