Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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