I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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