Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
