Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
