ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
