WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
