Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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