i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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