We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
