alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
