My first STD was from a foam party
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
