I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
