My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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