forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
